Thursday, October 7, 2010

Anal Sex, Country Music, and Snowboarding

Why do all male country music stars wear cowboy hats? It's true. I dare you. Show me one that doesn't. So if a guy is a good singer, a very talented singer, and he decides suddenly to be "country" for whatever reason, I guess he needs to get a cowboy hat. He could not make it without the hat. Hell, he could be born and raised in Brooklyn or the mean streets of Detroit and suddenly his voice gets a twang, he gets an NRA sticker, and he loves horses. The male country singer's hat is quite likely the most contrived accessory I have witnessed in my entire life. It's like country is the WWE of music. All hat, no cattle. The guy could be a really talented singer, but then they tack on that false Oklahoma twang, don the hat, grab a twelve string, and it ceases being music and becomes simply a parody of itself.

Snowboarding. All the cold, half the speed. I feel sorry for those schlebs scooting along on their butts, or walking one boot on the board one in the snow, carumph carumph carumph. Those of us that have learned to stand erect generations ago simply pole on past in the flat areas. Then those boneheads need to unbuckle from the board to get on the chair! Getting off the chair is possibly the most ungraceful thing I have ever seen---a half run/half fall down the ramp. What's up with that anyway? It's like some kind of second class citizenship that these people actually choose.
Anal sex and snowboarding are actually very similar. Let's say you want to get laid. You go to great expense and effort to wine and dine the object of your affection. You also go to great expense and effort to pack up all the gear for a day in the mountains, drive up the hill, buy your tickets, etc etc. In either case, when you have the choice, when you have spent a lot of time, money and effort striving toward a particular endeavor, why would you settle for second best? I rest my case.

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